tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3765291863190847310.post6999926949010925158..comments2008-04-23T20:26:01.371-07:00Comments on Grey Suit, Black Tie: Little Girls Crossed Legs and ArmsJ Pattersonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00835231457178558222noreply@blogger.comBlogger2125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3765291863190847310.post-73229249811175134942008-01-17T15:16:00.000-08:002008-01-17T15:16:00.000-08:00i love the first line. it puts the reader in the s...i love the first line. it puts the reader in the scene really nicely.<BR/><BR/>"I use the hammer and one holds the post. Flinch. The first drop hits my neck but she doesn't notice. The second has her head in a book and the third, asleep at a knee. At the second drop, all eyes look up."<BR/><BR/>this part is a bit confusing bc you are referring to both the girls and the hammer swings with numbers. try to clarify this somehow.<BR/><BR/>i also think you should aim to make the progression of time clearer. how, i do not know.carolinehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01958061440612986700noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3765291863190847310.post-74704570657513559412008-01-17T14:52:00.000-08:002008-01-17T14:52:00.000-08:00this is sad! but good, too. it's quiet.this is sad! but good, too. it's quiet.Stephaniehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15973462784524280841noreply@blogger.com